im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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