You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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