sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
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How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
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hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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