don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
