so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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