When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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