u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
