first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
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HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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