So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We need to get me chipped asap
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
