she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
