I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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