I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
