He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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