you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
