I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
