Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
