Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
