I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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