last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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