i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
