i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
