Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
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Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
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Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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