that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
