What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
