some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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