i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
