You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The air was thick with penises
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
