I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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