I don't remember. Are we still dating?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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