Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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