Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
