the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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