So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
