i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
