I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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