walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just gargled with NyQuil
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
