A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
