his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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