you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
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so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
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You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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