I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize