Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
