you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
