You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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