What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
