it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
