there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
