Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
