Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
