she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
