I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
