My Higher Power is John Stamos
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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