im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
