I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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