I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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