I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
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I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize