The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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