guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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