I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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