White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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