Already got asked if we're dating
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
