Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
