I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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