Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just threw up on my dentist
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
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So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
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ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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