thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
