So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
