How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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