So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
